Futurama Porn Story: The Ghost of Shipping Future Chapter 1

THE GHOST OF SHIPPING FUTURE

By Razer Cannon

The
door swooshed open and the one-eyed woman shambled into her
apartment, tossing her lime-green coat on the floor and stumbling
over to the single chair in the room. Her large eye seemed glazed,
and she sat for a moment, not moving or caring what happened.

Part
of her was waiting for her pet to come comfort her, but then she
remembered he was gone. Gone like everything else that mattered
in her life.

Turanga
Leela put her face in her hands and wept, as she had at the end of
every day for the two weeks since she had buried Lars Fillmore. She
put a stoic face up before her co-workers, but she did little more
than fly the ship, bark orders and somehow make her way home
everyday.

Every
day was dead to her now that Lars was gone. Killed, ostensibly, by
that bastard Nudar and his greed. Leela shook her head. Really,
though, the universe had killed her love the iron law of time
paradox. Should she hate it, too? Because she did hated the
whole damn universe with a passion that sometimes frightened her.

It
didn’t help that things between her and Fry were so…awkward. Her
deep friendship with the twentieth-century man, a bond that might
have helped her out that had always helped her before was now
just another reminder of her pain.

Leela
went into her bathroom and studied herself in the mirror. Every time
she saw Fry, all she could think was there could be Lars. She
couldn’t help herself, she knew it Lars was Fry, with
another decade of maturity and perspective.

Every
time Fry did somethingfryish, she’d yell at him. But it
wasn’t the old, exasperated yelling that she and he had laughed
through in the past. This was Lars wouldn’t do that
yelling. And every time Fry looked at her and saw that in her eye,
another little piece of him died from the pain. She could see
it, like she could see into his soul.

It
was hurting him. And that hurt her. She didn’t want to be the cause
of such pain in Fry, who she cared for deeply. But she also was
adrift without his friendship to rely on. She was trapped in some
sort of vicious cycle where she hurt him, that hurt her, and they
kept spiraling down like gas getting sucked down a black hole of
despair Aagh. She clutched at her face with her hands.

So,
she blotted out the pain by trying to keep her thoughts at the most
basic level. She came home, she drank rotgut gin until she passed
out, and she went to work in the morning. In such a manner the days
were at least passable, if not quite bearable.

Leela
stared at her bloodshot eye and graying skin in the mirror. Well,
she was thinking too much again. Time for a drink.

A
loud, exasperated sigh came from the living room. She turned
carefully, ready for another lecture from her father about what she
was doing to herself. Turanga Morris was a loving father, but he
seemed –

She
froze. A short man was whisking what looked like eggs in a bowl in
her kitchen. A man she had never seen before.

Good
evening, Ms. Turanga. How do you like your eggs?

What
the – Leela rubbed her eye again. Who the hell are you?

A
very complicated question, Leela can I call you Leela?

No,
it isn’t, she said tiredly. Somehow the short, precise little man
didn’t frighten her. ‘Who are you’ is pretty simple, as questions
go. She put her hands on her hips and gave him the evil eye.

Quite
clever, yes! The man beamed at her, putting down the bowl and
whisk. You never did say how you like your eggs.

I
like omelets –

Suddenly
a plate with a steaming cheese-and-broccoli omelet appeared in
Leela’s hands. Aagh! she said, almost dropping the plate.

Careful,
the man chided, taking a bite of his own. I can’t just wave my
hands and get you some more. That seemed to amuse him.

Look,
what the Robot Devil are you doing in my apartment? Leela was
starting to fume.

I’m
here to show you something, the man said around a mouthful of
omelet.

Show
me ewww! she said. You’re not a pervert, are you? I’ll
kick you right where the sun doesn’t shine.

No,
I’m not a pervert. Actually, I’m the zeitgeist of the whole Earth’s
computational system, expressed as a post-Singularity entity capable
of time/space shifting and other brane manipulation.

Oh
Lord, Leela said, putting her plate on the floor and sitting in
her chair. I said earlier I hated the universe.

Well,
I’m not the universe, the man said, hopping up and sitting
nonchalantly on her counter. She noticed he was wearing a stylish,
expensive dark green business suit. You know, this would be
easier if I was talking to Fry.

What
the hell does that mean?

I’d
just say I was Skynet and move on. Anyway, I really am here to show
you something.

Leela
threw up her hands. Alright, let’s assume you’re real and not a
figment of my breakdown. I’m ready to believe just about anything
right now. What is it you want to show me?

The
future, my dear. Or selected parts of it, anyway. The man jumped
down and walked over to her. Here, take my hand. He held out
his finely manicured left hand to her.

Leela
suppressed hysterical giggling and stood up. She studied the man’s
hand, shrugged and said Well, I wasn’t doing anything else
tonight. She took his left hand in hers

Her
apartment vanished around her.

Without
really noticing, Leela realized she and the man were in the
observatory of the Planet Express Building. How the – Then
she realized that, across the room, talking to Dr. Zoidberg,
was…her.

We’re
not really here, the man said conversationally. Or more
precisely, we’re here, but made up of axions which cannot interact
with the local fermions.

How…what…
Leela was flabbergasted.

We’re
about twenty days forward in time from when you and I were just
talking. What we’re looking at is an event that will occur less than
three weeks in your future, Leela. Now, pay attention, the man
said as the door to the lift slid open.

Fry
walked in, hand-in-hand with a very pretty blond girl in a short
skirt.

Leela
felt something inside her twist, and uncomfortable feelings hit her
gut. Who the hell is that?

Just
watch and listen.

Oh
hey, everyone, Fry called out. This is Colleen.

This
is awkward! Bender said, and then looked at future-Leela.
Introducing your new girlfriend to Chesty McNag-Nag! He
laughed evilly.

Future-Leela
slapped him in little Bender and turned to Fry and Colleen.
Future-Leela sneered. And where did you meet…her?

Oh,
down at Times Square, Fry said in that infuriatingly blithe way he
had.

At
a slutty dress contest? Future-Leela suggested innocently.

Leela
snickered at future-Leela’s joke, and then remembered no one could
hear her.

Jeez,
Leela, Fry said in wonder. What’s gotten into you today?
Forget lunch?

I
don’t know, Fry. Forget your manners? Your brain? Your common
sense? Future-Leela half-snarled.

Fry
shook his head. We’re headed out, everyone else. Have a
good day, he said and tugged Colleen out. The blond woman waved
at them all, but saved a curiously victorious glance at future-Leela.
As the door shut behind them, future-Leela growled and stalked out
of the room, muttering under her breath about faithless, idiot
delivery boys.

Leela
turned to the man. So that treacherous bastard goes and gets a
girlfriend less than three weeks from now?

The
man nodded. Why do you think he did that, Leela?

Because
he’s a thoughtless idiot, Leela ranted. Because he’s a child
stuck in a man’s body –

It
was rather immature of him, wasn’t it?

Of
course it was! I realize that I haven’t been the easiest person to
be with lately, but that’s not what Lars would – She stopped.

The
man looked at her without saying anything.

Her
face a frozen mask, Leela said flatly I’m doing it again, aren’t
I?

Hmm.

God,
is this what he felt when I met Lars? Leela axed wonderingly.

There’s
more, the man said simply. He took her hand and the Planet
Express observatory dissolved around them.

They
reappeared in deep space, less than twenty meters from the rippling
silvery anomaly. We’ve jumped forward about two weeks, the man
explained. Here they come, he added, pointing.

Leela
narrowed her eye as she saw the Nimbus moving into position.
Oh Lord, what is that idiot going to do now? she groaned.

Watch
this spot, the man said, and pointed. Suddenly a circle appeared
around a small dot, like a targeting reticule in a viewscreen. The
circle and the dot grew larger. Leela found it difficult to
judge the distance and speed, but she realized as it grew closer that
the object was a space-suited figure with a rocketpack that must have
dropped from the Nimbus.

What
are they – As the person shot past her point of view, she saw the
shock of orange hair through the helmet and realized it was Fry.

And
he was weeping.

What
is Fry doing? she asked, suddenly afraid.

Leaving,
the man said.

What
about that Colleen woman?

She’s…gone.
It’s complicated. The man waited a beat. He thinks you’re
gone, too. Not even friends anymore.

Fry
fired his braking jets and slowed until he hung before the writhing
silvery anomaly, and hung his head low, as well as someone in a
pressure suit could.

That’s
not safe, Leela said worriedly. He’s not actually thinking of
–

Fry
let out a deep sob part of Leela’s mind wondered how she could
hear it and said And so, to everyone and everything Ive
ever known, I say my last goodbye. Then he triggered the
rocketpack, pushing through the silvery wall of the anomaly and
disappearing from the universe.

Fry!
Leela yelled. What the hell is he doing?

He
thinks no one loves him in this universe, so he left, the man
explained.

But
I – Leela bit her tongue. What could she say? Fry couldn’t hear
her anyway.

The
man took her hand again. Let’s go.

Leela
tried to shake his grip off. What about Fry? Is he okay?

He’ll
be back. Whether he’s okay or not is…a more difficult question.

He
feels all alone now, Leela said sadly. Unfortunately I know
how he feels.

The
stars vanished around them.

A
cheap, but neat room took form around them.

Is
this my parent’s dining room? Leela asked in wonder.

Yes.
We’ve jumped forward a few months.

Leela
saw herself wearing some sort of electronic collar! – eating at
the dining room table with her parents and –

Oh
Lord. What’s Zoidberg doing here?

Eating.
Your mother is an excellent cook, by the way. It smells delicious.

Liar.
We can’t smell anything.

The
man looked amused. You can’t.

But
–

Ah,
here we are!

There
was a knock at the door; Mr. Turanga opened the window and let in a
deranged looking Fry. Leela let out an unconscious sigh of relief at
seeing the delivery boy unhurt.

Fry
seemed frantic. Have you seen Bender? Hes gone nuts!

Leela said as an aside to the man, This is news?

Suddenly
a vent in the wall dropped open, and Bender jumped in to her parents
house, waving his manipulators around like mad, clutching a long
sword.

Well
that panics the disco, Leela observed.

Future-Leela
went to strike, but her collar sparked and she collapsed on the
ground.

What
is that thing?

Docility
collar. They had a special at Office Depot, the man said
cryptically.

Bender
picked up a candle and spat a ball of fire at future-Leela, shouting
something about a spell.

Future-Leela
dove out of the way, but the fireball set the couch ablaze.

The
fire was spreading, but Fry leaped between Bender and the Turangas,
pointing a spoon like a magic wand. I cast a freeze ray upon
you!

Thats
ridiculous; there’s no such thing as a freeze ray, Bender said
laughing.

I
cast Cone of Coldness! Fry tried again.

Leela
put her face in her hands. I can’t watch these two idiots.

Bender
gasped. Fancy men are defenseless against a cone of coldness!
He froze himself into position and clanked to the ground, as the
others beat the flames out.

Leela’s
mother put a tentacle around Fry’s shoulder as he knelt by his fallen
friend. That was very brave, Philip.

It
was, wasn’t it? Leela asked the man, as she watched her future
self help her father throw water on the burning curtains.

Brave?

No,
she said, thinking to herself. It was…considerate.

The
man smiled and took her hand again. Another stop.

When
they reappeared, they were outside the Planet Express building,
sitting at the little cafe across the corner from the entrance.

Tea?
the man axed, holding out a mug to her.

Leela
frowned, remembering her last time at the cafe. Did we have to
come here?

It’s
got the best view of what’s coming up. We jumped forward again,
about six months from last time. The man put down her mug, picked
up his own and took an appreciative sip. Ahh. Oh, here you
come!

Future-Leela
slipped out of the front door of the Planet Express building,
carrying a terrarium cradled under one arm.

Are
those pink camouflage pants? Leela asked, horrified.
Apparently I lost my sight again.

I
didn’t quite understand the theme, but apparently they make sense in
context.

As
future-Leela was sneaking around the wall, Fry came up to her. I’ve
been missing you, Leela even more than when you’re here.

Leela
couldn’t help but smile at Fry’s dopey line.

I
miss you, too, Fry, future-Leela said. You probably think –

Leela
missed the rest of what she was saying as something caught her eye.
Hey is that…a tinfoil hat on Fry’s head?

What?
Yes, yes – now ignore it and shhh! I didn’t bring you all this way
to miss this!

Leela
turned her attention back to Fry interrupting future-Leela. I
don’t need to know all that, Leela. It’s you that’s all I need
to know. He put his hand on her shoulder and looked into her eye.

Leela
watched her future self’s eye fill up with tears. Then future-Leela
said, Goodbye, sweet goofbag, kissed Fry on the cheek and ran
off.

Leela
wiped her own eye with her hand. He is such a sweet goofbag.

If
only he was more mature, the man said.

Leela
glared at him. Oh, shut up. Don’t you think I’ve chastised
myself for those thoughts for ten lousy years? It’s hard to change
your thin-thin-thinking! she choked out as sobs suddenly engulfed
her.

Breathe,
dammit, she thought to herself. Gaining control, one hand
pressed to her throat, she said, My whole life has been
discipline. I don’t know if I can be with someone who doesn’t have
any…any control of themselves. Looking up, she focused her
puffy red eye on the man. I can’t handle that…disorder. Do you
understand?

No,
the man admitted. He took her free hand in both of his. Remember,
I’m the expression of a massive parallel processing artificial
intelligence spread across all eight continents. I can model
emotions, I observe them with more clarity than you, I can mimic them
better than any of your present-day robots, but I don’t really feel
them. Not the way you do.

We
both carry the past with us, though. You have to deal with a
heritage of chaos, and you’ve used a lifetime of drive and discipline
to keep that at bay. I have to deal with a creation that’s chaotic,
to say the least.

I
meant to ask wouldn’t people notice that the worldwide computer
systems have…well, woken up into a super-intelligent godlike
being?

They
will notice when it happens. The man smiled. I can travel
through time. What makes you think its happened yet, from your
temporal perspective?

Ah,
said Leela, even though she wasn’t sure she understood.

Well,
one more thing I want to show you, the man said. He squeezed her
hand, and the cafe vanished from around them.

They
reappeared in a crowded set of bleachers, under a clear dome floating
in deep space. Leela found herself sitting in one of the bleachers
close to the front. Is that…Fry? she asked. Why is he
wearing matching jackets with Leo Wong?

He
works for Wong now; he’s risen to be the number two man in Wong’s
organization.

Fry?!
Working? Leela shook her head. Did we come to the future or
a parallel universe?

The
man snickered. Future, Leela. About eight months forward of the
cafe.

But
what about Planet Express, if Fry is working for Amy’s parents?

Planet
Express is on a bit of a…hiatus. Fry has shown himself to be a
responsible and dedicated employee to Leo Wong.

But
– before she could say anything else, she caught view of who was
heading to the podium. Holy Flock of Seagulls, it’s that idiot
again.

Zapp
Brannigan took to the podium in his white-and-gold dress DOOP
uniform, and began spouting out a rarefied form of his usual hooey.

Well,
this is a good time to fill you in on the background. See that
purple star there? Wong wants to collapse it into a black hole for
his new construction project. You and your friends are trying to
stop him, because that asteroid has lifeforms on it.

And
Fry’s helping him? Leela asked in amazement.

He
seems to be, the man said.

Leela
sat, thinking furiously. I don’t believe it, she said,
angered. Fry is…dense sometimes, but he’s the most decent man
I’ve ever met. He would never be involved in something despicable
like this.

I’m
glad you think so. I really am, the man said. He did look
pleased.

Leela
turned to look at her friend. He had the silly tinfoil hat up on one
hand, and seemed to be scanning the crowd intently. His gaze swept
over where she and the man were sitting, and he actually hesitated
for a moment, before moving on.

What’s
Fry doing?

Just
listen, the man said cryptically.

What
do you – Suddenly Leela realized that she could hear, over the
dull roar of the crowd and Zapp’s amplified annoyance, softly but
clearly, Fry’s voice.

Why
can’t I find it? Where is the Dark One? I can read everyone’s
thoughts here except mine!

Leela
gasped. Reading minds? Is he serious? And what’s this Dark
One?

He’s
deadly serious. The Dark One is pure evil – and I think he’s figured
out who it is.

I’m
the Dark One! No!

No!
Leela mimicked Fry’s mind-shout. That can’t be!

A
terrific crash came from her right. The Planet Express ship smashed
through the glass dome, and she saw herself running down the landing
steps, laser gun drawn. Future-Leela shouted through a bullhorn,
Everyone put your hands in the air!

What
am I doing now? Leela asked, somewhat annoyed that she was still
wearing those atrocious pants black would be much more slimming.

Trying
to stop the stellar implosion, of course, the man said. Watch
Amy.

How
could I not? That camouflage sweat-suit makes her look like a
clown, Leela said maliciously.

Leela
winced as Amy drove the putter into her father’s midsection. Ooo,
Leela said. I see Amy’s finally working out her issues with her
parents.

Envious?

Leela
gave the man a withering look.

Future-Leela
was going to snip the cable running from the detonator when Fry
reached out to her No! Leela! You have no idea what’s really
going on!

Then
tell me! Future-Leela implored him.

Fry
looked down, defeated. I…I can’t.

Leela
held her breath as her future-duplicate stared at Fry. That’s
alright, future-Leela said, with an enigmatic smile. You’re
you, and that’s all I need to know. She handed him the detonator.

Leela
breathed out, a tear forming in the corner of her eye. She felt like
her future self no, she – had passed an important test.

Leela,
what are you doing? Amy shouted. We became fugitives to stop
this!
Leela’s heart warmed as future-Leela began giving a
stirring defense of their friend.

Then
Fry pushed the detonator’s plunger.

Leela’s
smile turned to horror. What is he doing? Then she realized
he was holding some sort of weapon to his chest. My god, he’s
trying to kill himself!

Goodbye,
Leela, Fry said tearfully. I die to save you.

Leela
jumped up, trying to climb over the spectators in front of her. We
have to stop him! she said.

The
man grabbed her right arm and dragged her back down to her seat.
Leela was shocked at how powerful his grip was. Everything is
fine, Leela. Fry will be fine.

The
apparatus extended itself to full height, and a sphere of energy
briefly engulfed Fry and future-Leela. When it evaporated, Fry felt
at himself. Man, I’m still alive, he said, huffily.

The
man laughed and stood up. Okay, time for us to go, he said.

Go!?
Is Fry still in danger? What the hell is going on here? Leela
demanded.

Your
concern for your friend does you credit, but he is perfectly safe.
The man took her right hand and the bleachers began to fade away.

He
tried to sacrifice himself to save all of us, didn’t he? Leela
asked.

To
save you, Leela, the man said.

To
save me, she repeated to herself.

The
bridge of the Planet Express ship formed itself around them. They
were in the back corner, looking at the backs of the crew.

What
is everyone doing here? Leela axed. LaBarbara’s never been
aboard before that I remember; and Kif and Amy! What’s going on?

You’re
running from the Nimbus, Leela. This is actually only a few
minutes after our previous stop; this is the last thing I want to
show you.

Who
the hell is that? Leela asked, pointing at a thick-mustached man
with a hat at the tactical station.

The
man frowned. I’m not sure. Anyway, listen!

Fry
was gesturing wildly. There were so many things I wanted to say
to you, Leela!

Like
what, Fry? future-Leela axed softly, turning in the command chair
to face him.

Like,
this is not the end! But mostly, he took future-Leelas
free hand, Leela, I love you.

Leela
gasped. She wrung her own hands together as she waited for her
future self to say something.

Maybe
I waited too long to say this, future-Leela said, her eye focused
on Fry’s face, but…I love you, too Wormhole! she
shrieked.

Leela
groaned. Oh, for the love of –

Everything
turns out okay after this, Leela, the man said.

Yeah,
Leela said, her expression unreadable. I suppose it would.

The
man took her hand, and the bridge faded out. Leela’s last sight was
of her future self kissing Fry passionately.

Leela
found herself back in her chair in her apartment. Her omelet was
still steaming.

Well,
that was fun, the man said, clapping his hands together.
Mimosa? he asked, pouring himself a drink from a glass carafe
Leela was pretty sure she had never seen before.

Yes,
I…I think I will, Leela said shakily. Her heart was beating
hard, and she felt warm all over. All she could see in her mind was
that last kiss.

So,
what have we learned? The man said as he handed her a champagne
glass.

Leela
downed it in one gulp. Real orange juice, she thought
absently. I don’t know, what should I have learned? That I
love Fry! Her heart sang as her mind accepted what the rest of
her had known for ten years.

Faith
in others? Hope for the future? Trust in Fry? Things that you have
been bad at, I think.

I
have not – Leela slumped down in her chair. Oh, alright. No
point denying things to an omniscient being. She straightened up.
Which reminds me why the Robot Devil have you shown me all
this? What’s your interest in the concerns of two people?

I
was wondering when you would axe that. As I alluded to earlier, I am
concerned about my existence and a remarkable number of
world-lines seem to tangle around you and Philip, as well as your
descendants.

Our
descen–

So,
like all mildly god-like entities, I try to keep my own creation on
track. Therefore, here we are, the man said with a final
flourish.

Leela
mulled it over. Is what you showed me the future, or one
possible future?

Its
what will happen if nomajor disruptions occur at this point in
this time-line.

Wait a minute! Haven’t you already screwed with the time-line by
showing me all this? How does that not affect the
time-space continuum the Professor is always going on about? Cant
I disrupt these outcomes?

The
man grinned. What makes you think you are going to remember
any of this, my dear?

What?!

This
is about learning a lesson, Leela. The man leaned forward until
they were almost nose-to-nose. He looked very pleased with himself.
Lessons can sink deeper than memory, he said.

Hold
on –

Goodbye,
Ms. Turanga. It was a very great pleasure to see you again.

Leela
yawned and stretched her arms out, cricking her neck. God that
felt good, she thought, and opened her eye. Her alarm clock said
6:00 a.m.; time to get up.

She
planted her feet on the floor and stretched again. Lord, she felt
great. She must have gotten a good night’s sleep for a
change. She eyed the half-full bottle of gin on her nightstand. She
didn’t remember drinking any of it, but it was a lot emptier than she
recalled.

She
thought a moment, then grabbed it and took it to the bathroom to pour
out. She was sick of drowning her sorrows with booze. She still
mourned Lars, but she had to keep living her life.

After
a quick shower and bathroom trip, she went to the kitchen to fix some
breakfast. Opening up the fridge, she saw the remnants of a
broccoli-and-cheese omelet. She frowned; she must have made it last
night after drinking the gin, but she didn’t remember it at all and
none of her pans had been used. Shrugging, she heated it up and ate
it. A glass carafe half-filled with mimosas from the fridge washed
down her breakfast, and she went off to Planet Express.

Very
smoothly done, I admit, the glowing interstellar nebulae said,
but I’m afraid I don’t see the point.

You’re
the one who is always going on about subtlety, the man told it.
Us weakly god-like beings have to be even more round-a-bout.
Colleens always been a bit of a sticky spot; I just needed to
tighten up a few probabilities to keep them moving together.

And
the omelet?

It’s
hard to be gracious on an empty stomach.

Aaah!
the Professor screamed, as the concentrated light from his giant
magnifying glass set what was left of his hair on fire.

Rolling
her eyes, Leela used the fire extinguisher on the old man’s head.

The
door to the observatory hissed open and Fry walked in with a pretty
blond woman.

Oh,
hey everyone, Fry said sprightly, this is Colleen.

Deep
inside her, Leela felt something twist in her gut. Cold pain filled
her.

Bender
cackled. This is awkward, introducing your new girlfriend to
Chesty McNag-Nag!

Anger
and jealousy surged inside Leela. How dare Fry then the
faint whisper of a feeling of deep contentment tugged at her. She
felt it in wonder, and recognized it. Fry has things to work out,
too, she thought. Trust him.

Oh,
don’t mind him, Leela said suddenly, I’ll turn him off. She
reached behind Bender’s head.

The
robot protested, and then powered down as Leela hit his reset switch.

Leela
turned back to Fry and Colleen. With a smile and the tone of a woman
confident shed already won, she said Hi. I’m Leela.